Writer. Adventurer. Currently working on The Dreamless City, a series of steampunk novels and short stories.

Don’t Pour Hot Water in Your Platform Pumps

Based on the mostly true events of two o’clock today.

I’d been feeling pretty good about things, which is a sure sign of impending doom.  It was Monday, and I actually had put together an outfit today — black blouse, grey skirt, trendy scarf, and my favorite platform pumps.  I might have a stack of invoices to tackle that would choke a hippo, but I was getting ready to make myself tea, then all would be right with the world.

It was a new Oolong tea my friend had brought back for me from China.  It smelled heavenly, the perfect blend of bitter tannins balanced with green freshness.  And people always talk about how healthy Chinese teas are for you, so I was rewarding myself for my workday perseverance and having a tasty treat too.  Win-win.

This next part is hard to explain because I’m not exactly sure what happened.  I had my mug in hand, filled with hot water to the brim, then lost my grip.  Hot water sloshed everywhere, including into my platform pumps.  Needless to say, I ripped my shoes off my feet as quickly as possible.

I also swore at the top of my lungs, right there in the middle of the break room kitchen.  I didn’t say damn, shit, crap, or anything else mildly crass.  Oh no, I totally kept it classy and dropped a perfectly enunciated F-bomb just in time for the CEO’s daughter to walk into the kitchen.  Can’t wait to find out what the topic of conversation is at their family dinner tonight.

I didn’t know what to say.  There’s no good way to explain pouring hot water into your shoes.  I cleaned up the water, made more tea, and nonchalantly walked back to my desk.  Cup in one hand, shoes in the other.  I was not risking a repeat with the shoes again.  As for the singed toes and swearing, well, no one’s perfect.

Why God, why do you let these things keep happening to me?  I told you last Sunday that I was trying to be good.  I know you heard me.  Just give me a chance!

13 comments on “Don’t Pour Hot Water in Your Platform Pumps

  1. T. W. Dittmer
    March 5, 2013

    I’ll keep that in mind. ;-)

    I do think a strategically placed f-bomb can be effective, but unplanned ones can bring unwanted consequences.

    • tracycembor
      March 5, 2013

      I wasn’t planning to include shoe advise in my blog, but I’m glad I could pass on my learning experiences. ;)

      There is a time and place for effective swearing, I agree, but the office break room wasn’t it. Fortunately, I don’t think there will be any unintended consequences.

      • T. W. Dittmer
        March 5, 2013

        Maybe they’ll wash your mouth out with soap. :-)

  2. gabrielablandy
    March 5, 2013

    What a day!! This was so funny – but I’m sure at the time the last thing you felt like doing was laughing. Strange that often the most awful situations are the one that are the most hilarious when told later. I hope your shoes have cooled off ;-)

    • tracycembor
      March 5, 2013

      Indeed, it was much funnier once my shoes were deemed salvaged and my toes stopped tingling.

  3. ericjbaker
    March 5, 2013

    What fortuitous timing! I just started wearing platform pumps, and I drink a lot of tea. An accident waiting to happen, if not for your sound advice.

    I dropped an MF bomb at work a few months ago. I was wearing headphones and, complex thinker that I am, I figured if I couldn’t hear myself say it, then no one could. Turns out not to be the case.

    • tracycembor
      March 5, 2013

      Yes, I am often known for my sound advice regarding fashionable footwear and beverages… Hah!

      I always forget how loud I talk when I’m wearing headphones. Whispering a challenging sentence to myself while writing usually involves sharing it with everyone in the room. The dog does not appreciate being disturbed during one of his twelve daily naps.

  4. Przemek Kucia
    March 5, 2013

    Forget everything else – Skirt and platform pumps FTW!!!!!11 :D In Poland it is one of the first days with sun and decent temperature so again Poles are cured from winter daltonism, women start (faintly) to wear skirts with high-heels and I did wore today pair of chinos so red, that drivers stop intuitively while I’m near any street ;)

    I’m just thinking – how much of Murphy’s laws applies to your situation? ;) More or less than ten?

    • tracycembor
      March 5, 2013

      I see that Mr. Murphy and his laws have made their way to Poland. Yes, everything was too perfect, so something had to go wrong.

      And take care to not cause any car accidents. That’s much worse than hot tea toasting my toes.

      • Przemek Kucia
        March 6, 2013

        I just poured half of beer on my sweet, red chinos… Drivers are safe for few days xD This is how ends me trying to multi-task…

  5. CatherineTs
    March 14, 2013

    ahhh this made me laugh (and sympathize!!) – i love tea in most forms, but think I might give oolong-in-footwear a miss…hopefully you have a bunch of it left to enjoy :)

    • tracycembor
      March 15, 2013

      Yeah, it was not one of my best moments for me or my wardrobe, but I have not been detered from my daily cup of tea. ;)

  6. Pingback: Pop Quiz! What Color Is Your Underwear? | tracycembor

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This entry was posted on March 5, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

Posting Schedule for 2014-15

Monday through Friday I will be posting about writing as business and craft, the science of creativity, all things steampunk, and progress on The Dreamless City.

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About the Author

Tracy Cembor attempts to juggle a preschooler and a baby, a full-time job, random geekery, and the writing life. Currently working on The Dreamless City, a steampunk urban fantasy novel. Come join the adventure.
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